I’ve been disturbed and disappointed by the meanness and disrespect that I’ve witnessed by so many, including the leaders of the land, over the last few months. Why have so many gotten so mean? In many cases, compassion and kindness have flown out the window and been replaced by insults, name calling, and revenge. Such maliciousness has been out of control for so long that it is difficult to remember when mutual respect, decorum, and civility were front and center.
Many people who work in public establishments have reported that customers have gotten meaner. Restaurant workers complain that more diners are exhibiting rude behavior. Hospital workers complain that patients have gotten more abusive. Passengers committing violent acts on airplanes, frequently fueled by alcohol, have become commonplace.
Here are a few reasons why sociologists claim that meanness has become so pervasive.
Learned behavior. People may have grown up in environments where hostile and inconsiderate behaviors were normalized, and they have internalized similar actions in their own lives.
Demographics. America has become more diverse which has caused millions of Americans to panic, feel as though they are losing their place in the hierarchy, and hence react to others in a mean way.
Social media. Digital platforms award negativity, outrage, and conflict and encourage mean-spirited behavior. Such behavior gets much more attention than civility. Plus, anonymity encourages people to express thoughts they wouldn’t say face-to-face.
Polarizing narratives. Constant exposure to fear-based narratives and political polarization can increase anger and distrust.
Convenience culture. The rise of online shopping, delivery services, and other conveniences have reduced our dependence on others and limit our daily interactions that require empathy and connection.
Economic Inequality. High levels of inequality have left people afraid, angry, pessimistic, and mean.
A few years ago, David Brooks authored an article in The Atlantic in which he opined that the reason America has gotten so mean is because, “we live in a society that’s terrible at moral formation.” By that he meant helping people to restrain their selfishness; coaching basic social and ethical skills; and encouraging people to find a purpose in life.
The premise to this belief is that without strong moral formation, people feel disconnected, alienated and estranged from the world around them. And those emotions also turn into bitterness and a sense of rejection. People then begin to feel disrespected, unheard, and victimized.
Without a moral compass, people turn to politics and tribalism. In many places around the world, including currently in the U.S., leaders capitalize on connecting with people who feel that sense of rejection. They believe that there is an ugly world out there, and they are not receiving their just rewards. These leaders encourage the populus to be angry and mean—to take what you can get and forget about the rest. With this mindset, morality becomes a luxury that they can no longer afford.
The truth, as many prognosticators, including Voltaire, have stated, is that we each must cultivate our own gardens. We must celebrate people with moral behavior who instill a certain humility in us. And we must applaud the skills and habits that encourage consideration of others, treating people with respect, and promoting inclusivity.
Such behaviors are the opposite of what’s happening in the U.S. right now. In the meantime, and until the ship rights, here are some initiatives that sociologists encourage us to master.
Practice empathy. Try to put yourself in the place of others and imagine what they are going through.
Exude gratitude. Celebrate the good things in your life and the efforts of those around you.
Support your community. Volunteer for good causes.
Build a culture of appreciation. Praise and thank colleagues, neighbors, relatives, and friends, and create opportunities for recognition.
Perform random acts of kindness. Let disabled people go ahead of you in line. Drive elderly neighbors to their appointments. Your kindness will have a ripple effect.
Maya Angelou once wrote, “It takes courage to be kind.”
I agree. And let’s acknowledge that these days courageousness and kindness have taken a back seat. But in spite of today’s adversities, we can each vow that we will double our efforts to be kind and strive to make the world a better place, one act at a time.
Maria Grant, a former principal-in-charge of the federal human capital practice of an international consulting firm, now focuses on writing, reading, music, and nature.
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